The Look of the Female Sociopath

South Seattle Warehouse

Forget the Look of Love. This is game time, Cupcake.

And the first thing any sociopath will do is size you up.

Do you pose, in any way, a threat to their own superiority?

Are you not giving them the obeisance that is their due?

Or are you just irksomely, annoyingly happy all the time and need to be taken down a notch? 

Sociopaths, in general, are ruthlessly logical people. But they have one Achilles’ Heel: their narcissism. This is why you can run under their radar pretty successfully if only you flatter them. This is useful when you’re still in the recon stage.

But once you know you’re dealing with a sociopath, it’s still useful. And here’s why.

Any sociopath will tell you they fear nothing. In fact, they cannot feel fear.

This is true in the sense that they don’t fear death, pain, violence, and other signs of mortality in the way most of us do.

But it’s a complete lie (another sign of the sociopath). They do fear one thing: public humiliation. A sociopath runs under the presumption that she or he is superior to the rest of the human race–god-like, even. What this means for the rest of the human race? We have something we can use.

The look of the female sociopath–and I’ve encountered three of these fiends within less than a year–is level, cold, and flatlined. There’s no life behind it. But plenty of logistical calculations. And when this lifeless intelligence swings onto you, you have only two options:

a) Keep sweet. Fawn over your nemesis. Tell her how beautiful she is. It will save your life and your sanity, and in most cases, your goal should be to get out of her territory alive. Flattery is the way over this troll’s bridge, folks.

b) If you unfortunately must co-exist, go with Plan B: Lead her to think you’re a sociopath, too.

Socipaths do know their own ilk. And they like each other about as much as we do.

The longer that cold, dead gaze studies you, the better your chances are at survival. Because it means she isn’t quite able to place you. She’s figuring her odds for an easy win. And you are neither fawning sycophant nor overt threat to her Alpha-ness.

So keep the devil guessing. Be sweet. Be ruthless. Be too honest. But plant little barbs. So she isn’t sure if you really meant that. Present the possibility that you might be the sort of person to invite her to a black-tie gala but con her into wearing sweatpants. Or you might be the sort of person to wear sweatpants to a black-tie gala and not care. Both disorient the sociopath. Go on like this long enough and, if you limit your interactions with her, she’ll decide you just aren’t worth the trouble.

I seem to scare female sociopaths. I like this. I look quiet and unprepossessing with my acne and my sheared hair. But after a month or two, the female sociopaths begin to notice they still can’t place me. The usual weak points they will use to get to you–your attraction to a particular individual or gender, your loneliness, your desperate need for praise–keep failing them.

I’m all business. I laugh at myself. Nothing phases me. I’m sweet to everyone because I genuinely care about people, but no one knows me. Something tells them I can be heartless when I have to be. Something of my willingness to save myself at almost any cost–walking out on my abusive birth family, abandoning my religion and my god, divorcing my husband–shows through. And that Look fixes on me.

I watch their little alarm bells go off, and I smile.

Published by M.C. Easton

Novelist and teacher.

2 thoughts on “The Look of the Female Sociopath

  1. Hi! I came across this wonderful piece while *finally* processing and healing from being targeted by a sociopath over 10 years ago. I didn’t have a word for what happened to me, but have blamed myself for all these years. One offhand comment a few months ago by a real friend changed everything: “Oh, I’m sure she did that on purpose. She really went for maximum emotional carnage that year, like she’s a sociopath or something.” I started googling that term. Reading the clinical diagnostic criteria don’t illuminate much– but personal stories like this by people who have been targeted, and the online anonymous bragging by sociopaths about the damage the enjoy leaving, helped clear things up for me. Now that I’ve read first-hand accounts about sociopath manipulation, I understand what happened to me, and a decade of recurring nightmares have finally stopped. Thanks for writing about this. Is there a way to see a compendium of your pieces on this topic? I don’t see a ‘tag’ I can click on your blog to organize them. Thanks!

    1. What an awful experience it sounds like you had, grayfoxfitness. I’m so glad you survived. I’m also glad it sounds like you’re beginning to realize what happened, so you can start healing from it. I’m grateful to hear my piece further validated your experience. That’s why I write! So many of us are hurting–and healing–and we’re not alone.

      As far as other pieces on this topic, yes! I’ve got three options for you: 1) Scroll down past the “Published By” to find the list of tags (“sociopath” is probably the one you want). 2) If you keep scrolling, down to the very bottom, three posts appear under “Related.” 3) Finally, you can go to my homepage, scroll down to the Tag Cloud, and click “Abuse.” Not all the posts will be relevant, but you might find something helpful. In my experience, human beings cause our deepest hurts; they also can supply the best healing. Wishing you solace and connection on your journey out of the pain~

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