Safety

I knew safety was the first step towards healing after trauma. But I had thought that simply meant pushing my assailants out of my life and locking the door behind them. Done. I hadn’t understood that was only the beginning of the beginning. Safety is not achieved by the absence of the perpetrator. Safety isContinue reading “Safety”

Healing Through Dance

Because trauma is of the body, it must be healed through the body. I needed a safe space where I would be supported, where I could practice trust, where I could begin healing in my body. Only one place could offer me that. The dance studio. *             *             * I was 30 years old. IContinue reading “Healing Through Dance”

Frank

Every story has its heroes and villains. In a story of trauma and assault, the villains are easy to spot. It’s the heroes who can be harder to see. Look at any trauma survivor. Look deep enough, and you will find a human behaving badly. It’s inevitable. PTSD is an ugly beast. From punching wallsContinue reading “Frank”

Falling into Loss

Is our capacity to endure grief fixed at birth–like temperament? Is it a limited resource? Or is it a skill? A muscle that must be developed? And if we only have so much strength in us, what happens once we use it up? For nearly 16 months, I’ve experienced pain in my lower back, painContinue reading “Falling into Loss”

The Dance of Perfectionism

The pianist rests his fingers on the ivory keys. He locks eyes with my teacher. She mouths the words. One, two, three— They nod on the four. And the studio fills with a high note that rings along the barre and into my fingertips. A Chopin nocturne rolls through the sunlit air. I push aContinue reading “The Dance of Perfectionism”

Beyond History

Is it possible? Faulkner once wrote, “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” Usually, I agree with this line. It’s especially pertinent for anyone trying something new. Technology. Art. A life. Yet if we are living among the ruins of history, navigating the rubble as much as the current moment, how can weContinue reading “Beyond History”