The first thing it makes space for is sorrow. As the rage and terror ebb away, the grief can overwhelm us. For me, I think it was the grief, more than anything else, that I feared. I had lifted my rage against it like a shield. Hadn’t trauma cost me enough? How dare anyone, evenContinue reading “Mourning”

Your Porn Is Making Me Crazy

Yes, you. We’ve got some talking to do. If your leading lady has become crazy and paranoid, I have a few tips for you. My brother and I were recently discussing the state of my sanity–always tenuous–when we veered into gender territory. I’m a woman; he’s a man. By default, he looks at my insecuritiesContinue reading “Your Porn Is Making Me Crazy”

Discomfort Required

I’m talking about the kind of discomfort that challenges us, by taking us exactly where we need to go. Audre Lorde, activist and writer, once wrote, “The severe abstinence of the ascetic…is one not of self-discipline but of self-abnegation.” When I read this at the age of 21, the ground shifted beneath my feet. WithContinue reading “Discomfort Required”

The Fulfillment of Longing

In the opening scene of¬†Shadowlands, C.S. Lewis lifts a paperweight from his desk–a rose in full bloom, encased in glass–and tells his Oxford students that this rose is perfect because it will not age, will not decay, and can never be touched. “The most intense joy,” he argues, “lies not in the having…but in theContinue reading “The Fulfillment of Longing”