Five Great Lessons from Growing up Mormon

Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows I’m a feminist and that I have some trouble with the doctrines and practices of the faith I was raised in. But I lived to tell the tale, and it’s a complex one. Despite the church’s uncomplicated position on feminism (Boyd K. Packer, who was recentlyContinue reading “Five Great Lessons from Growing up Mormon”

High Noon at the Vertigo Saloon

Step right up, folks! Step right up! Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be dazzled! Prepare to be amazed! Those lucky few selected for this experiment will soon find the ground shifting beneath their feet. The very floor beneath you will bounce like a ship on choppy seas. Even when you sit perfectly still, the worldContinue reading “High Noon at the Vertigo Saloon”

The Healing Grace of Friendship

My father, like most fathers of daughters, had no sense of fairness. On camping trips, he assigned my mother and me to dish duty while he and my brother built fires and checked fuel and lit lanterns. I asked to learn, and he always refused. Maybe he genuinely thought these were skills I’d never need.Continue reading “The Healing Grace of Friendship”

Guilt Is Just Laziness

I should be ashamed of myself. When I do something I shouldn’t–skip a workout, criticize someone in anger, or stay up so late I’m a bitch the next day–I feel guilty. And that’s usually where it ends. I check off the box that says I’m a good person and move on. It’s a problem. GuiltContinue reading “Guilt Is Just Laziness”

To the Man on the Bus Beside Me

It isn’t you. But it’s not me, either. You saw the way I stiffened when you sat down, didn’t you? You saw me flinch. And now you think it’s because I think I’m too good for you. Or that I think I deserve a seat to myself. Or that I’ve got a chip on myContinue reading “To the Man on the Bus Beside Me”

The Abuser in All of Us

Last night at Elliott Bay Book Company, author Val Brelinski read from her debut novel, The Girl Who Slept with God, and posed an impossible question: Is it possible to love another human being–parents, siblings, children, spouses–and not in some way damage the other person? Or is that part of the nature of intimate relationships?Continue reading “The Abuser in All of Us”

What (Not) to Say to People with Chronic Conditions

“But isn’t there something you can take?” If you have a chronic condition like me, this question camps out on your front porch like a creeper and waits to hop into every visitor’s mouth. “But isn’t there something you can take?” It comes from the best of places, I promise. The people around you just don’tContinue reading “What (Not) to Say to People with Chronic Conditions”

Why the Rape Wasn’t Your Fault: An Open Letter

A lot of blog posts address men who believe rape is, at least in part, the responsibility of the victim—rather than the rapist. Or they address men open to hearing about this experience in the hope of educating them and building allies. This post is going to be a little different. I’m writing just for theContinue reading “Why the Rape Wasn’t Your Fault: An Open Letter”

Learning to Live with the Demon That’s Always There

Anger, like depression, is a stress response, and both can shorten our life expectancy. I’ve been facing some hard facts lately, and one of them is that I go around packing anger like a loaded gun. Still. Don’t get me wrong. Anger serves us well in many situations. It protects us from people who wouldContinue reading “Learning to Live with the Demon That’s Always There”